Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
