Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize