i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
