Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And then my night got REAL pukey
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
