proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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