By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
