hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
