Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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