her facebook's as public as her vagina
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
