Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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