This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
