Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
