Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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