sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
