i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
