No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize