Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
