WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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