Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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