At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
