Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
