Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize