There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
