There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
