Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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