apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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