What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
