I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
