my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize