Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
