Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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