you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
