I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
