i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
