Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
