he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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