Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
