Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
