I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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