my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
