It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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