I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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