apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
