I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
