dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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