Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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