I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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