Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Randomize