Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
