why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
