i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
