think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
