i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
