I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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