how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
