we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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