God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
