$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
