The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.