I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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