Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
