i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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