I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
