Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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